Mr. Prelutsky lives and writes in the San Fernando Valley. He has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times, a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine and has written for the New York Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated. For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. You can learn more about Burt and his latest book, Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco) at his home page. Write Mr. Prelutsky at:

Mulling Over Movies and Politics: [02/11/08 ] With so many Hollywood celebrities jumping on the various presidential bandwagons, it becomes increasingly difficult to tell where politics leaves off and show business begins. This being the movie awards season, one sort of expects the politicians to return the favor by announcing their support of, say, George Clooney or Johnny Depp for the Oscar.

Come to the Aid of the Party: [02/04/08 ] If he had thrown his hat in the ring, my first choice for president would have been Newt Gingrich, probably the smartest guy in politics. I still hope that whoever gets elected this November will make Gingrich his secretary of state.

All Kidding Aside, Obama for President???!!! [01/21/08 ] One of the obvious differences between Democrats and Republicans is the role that religion plays in their presidential campaigns. For instance, every Democrat, while pretending to believe that “separation of church and state” actually appears somewhere in the Constitution, must also insist that religion plays an essential role in his or her life. But just about the only time you see them going to church is when they’re posing for the cameras while addressing a black Baptist congregation. What’s more, when questioning these people, the liberal media kindly limits itself to a yes or no question regarding the existence of God.

Is Oprah a Racist? [01/14/08 ] For nearly my entire life, I have been aware that there’s no explaining a large segment of the population. For instance, even as a kid, I found myself wondering why people would choose to drive really ugly cars, and, what’s more, I’m still wondering. We all can’t afford to drive Jaguars or Porsches, but we always have a choice when it comes to whether the car is red or blue or black. So how is it that Detroit would bring out pea green Fords or dismal gray Chevys and know there would be a market for them? It’s not as if they were sold at a discount. I would see people drive these putrid-colored vehicles and wonder if, just possibly, they were all colorblind.

I'm Happy to Live in a Christian Nation [01/07/08 ] Usually, when people say they’re not religious, they’re looking to pick a fight or at least start an argument. That’s probably because people who identify themselves as atheists or agnostics are often as dogmatic as Cotton Mather and have merely made a religion of their own non-belief.

The Perfect Democratic Candidate [12/31/07 ] I keep hearing various political pundits suggesting that by the time Hillary and Barack finish beating up on each other they’ll both be so bloodied and mud-splattered that Al Gore will be poised to ride in like a knight in shiny armor and capture his party’s nomination. I must admit it sounds pretty far-fetched. Frankly, the only thing that makes me think the pundits might be right this time around is that Al Gore is on record as stating that he absolutely, positively, has no intention of ever again running for president.

Have Yourself a Dreary Little Christmas [12/26/07 ] Over the last several years, a time of year that was traditionally a period of goodwill and universal brotherhood, when even actual brothers somehow managed to set aside sibling rivalries for a month or so, Christmas has become an annual battleground between decent people and a relatively small number of secular leftists who insist on carrying on as if auditioning for the role of Scrooge.

What Do Stan Laurel, a Shark and Hillary Have in Common? [12/17/07 ] A symbiotic relationship is one in which both parties benefit. Some of these are stranger than others, and some even manage to benefit those outside the relationship. For instance, consider Laurel and Hardy. Stan Laurel, the Englishman, had already had a long career in variety and silent films just as the Georgia native, Oliver Hardy, had had an equally long apprenticeship in vaudeville and the movies before Hal Roach had a brainstorm and teamed them up. The end result was much better than the sum of its parts as proven by the fact that after 80 years the boys are still garnering belly laughs.

Life Among the Stars [12/10/07 ] I used to believe that one of the reasons that a lot of the male movie stars of the 30s and 40s drank so much was out of guilt that they were making more money in a week than most Americans earned in a year, and that even in the middle of the Great Depression they were living like royalty. But I also suspected that they turned to alcohol partly out of shame because they were engaged in what would generally have been regarded as a passive, feminine occupation -- playing dress up, being told what to do and how to do it by male directors, standing by while rugged stunt men did all the heavy lifting and, worst of all, wearing makeup all the livelong day.

Getting A Few Things Off My Chest [12/03/07 ] It’s not true that I go through life constantly irked by the lunacy that surrounds us all. That would be a ridiculous exaggeration. After all, sometimes I’m asleep.

Why the Democrats Deserve to Lose [11/26/07 ] I know that most people, even my fellow conservatives, think I’m kidding when I say that it mystifies me that the Democrats constitute a major political party. But I’m perfectly serious. I honestly don’t know why more people vote for Democrats than for Libertarians or vegetarians, for that matter. At least I know what those people want: namely, less meddling by the federal government and more salads on the dinner table.

She Was the Bee's Knees [11/21/07 ] Until I read her obituary in this morning’s paper, I had never even heard of Eva Crane, who died the other day at 95. She was, it seems, a most admirable English woman. Back in the early 1930s, she earned a master’s degree in quantum mechanics and a doctorate in nuclear physics. But in spite of being an obvious brainiac, she was clearly a sensible and reasonable person. Otherwise, I very much doubt that she would have ever said, “I was the only woman studying physics at the time, but it never bothered me. I have often been the only woman, but I have never been discriminated against.” How refreshing when even spoiled heiresses, wealthy actresses and Nancy Pelosi, all whine about their lot in life.

The Great Mysteries of Life [11/12/07 ] There are certain arcane matters that I fully comprehend. Among them are baseball’s infield fly rule, how to read the Racing Form and even how to decipher the critical raves they run in ads for really rotten motion pictures. The trick there is to fill in the blanks, so, for instance, if the ad quoting the reviewer for the Sheboygan Herald reads in its entirety “Oscar worthy!” it’s safe to assume that the line originally read “If they gave Academy Awards for all-around incompetence, this movie would take home all the Oscars.”

180 Degrees of Separation [11/05/07 ] One of the silliest complaints that liberals never tire of leveling against conservatives is that we’re divisive. I should hope so. God forbid that those of us on the right should ever roll over for the knuckleheads on the left. But this is a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle divisive.

Liberals: A Puzzlement [10/29/07 ] I’ll come right out and admit that I understand Islamic terrorists far better than I do American liberals. After all, once you realize that young Muslims are taught by their religious leaders that our nation is militarily powerful and technologically advanced because we cut a deal with Satan, you can see where they’d be upset with us. But what is the deal with liberals? How to explain their mushy heads? Was it something weird in their baby formula? Were they potty-trained when they were too young or, more likely, too old? Or is it simply something in their DNA? Are their chromosomes slightly out of whack, the way it is with homosexuals and the transgender crowd?

Reviewing the Hollywood Blacklist [10/22/07 ] Lately, I've been reading even more books than usual about a period that's always fascinated me; namely, the late 40s and early 50s, the time of the Hollywood blacklist. It was the time of what liberals labeled witch hunts. A funny thing, though, is that the hunting of witches is not such a bad thing if you've got a coven of them causing trouble. Which is exactly what the Communists were doing in the 30s, 40s and 50s. And while I don't think the idiots in Hollywood were anywhere near as dangerous as the Reds in the State Department or at Los Alamos, they could be counted on to do what they could to further the Soviet's agenda, even if it was only to tithe America's sworn enemy.

Pease is Sometimes a Four-Letter Word [10/16/07 ] Back in the 1950s, a southern journalist named Harry Golden became famous by turning out a series of best-selling books, the first of which he called "Only in America." The title was a reference to a popular expression that reflected the feeling of most of his countrymen that America was special, a unique place that offered millions of people unlimited freedom to express themselves and to achieve dreams that were unimaginable anywhere else on earth.

Why I'm A Conservative [10/08/07 ] Every so often I hear from a self-anointed right-wing commissar that I'm not really a conservative simply because he's disagreed with something I wrote. The most annoying aspect of being called on the carpet is that it serves to remind me that some of those on the right can be every bit as dogmatic and self-righteous as the pinheads on the left.

A World Gone Mad [10/01/07 ] I hope you'll pardon me if I take a moment to suggest that a great many of my fellow Americans are just plain nuts.

A World Gone Mad [10/01/07 ] I hope you'll pardon me if I take a moment to suggest that a great many of my fellow Americans are just plain nuts.